Answer – Said by Duffy Daugherty, the Michigan State football coach
Answer – Said by Wally Butts, the football coach of Georgia
Answer – The cow fell on him.
Answer – The police officer
When the Boston Celtics traveled by train, the players were assigned berths to sleep in. Most players wanted a lower berth. To eliminate any friction among his players over who would be assigned the lower berths, coach Red Auerbach told them that the upper berths were longer than the lower. This was not true, but it did prevent any problems, since the taller players agreed to taking the upper berths.
Quarterback Cam Newton’s quote after his Carolina Panthers beat the New York Giants on a 43-yard field goal as time expired was priceless. He was referring to the shoving and jawing sessions between Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. and Panthers defensive back Josh Norman. “You have two guys going at it in a physical sport, a field full of alpha males. They’re not going to be playing patty cake, patty cake.”
A husband and wife, both golf fanatics were discussing the future as they sat by a warm fireplace. “Dear,” the wife said, “if I died, would you remarry?” The husband responded, “Well, if something were to happen to you in the near future, I guess so. After all, we’re not exactly senior citizens.” “Would you live in this house with her?” the wife asked. “I would think so.” She continued, “How about my car?” Would she get that?” “I don’t see why not.” “What about my golf clubs? Would you give them to her too?” “Oh goodness gracious no, never,” the husband exclaimed. “She’s left-handed.”
After Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones dies and goes to heaven, God is taking him on a tour of the place. He shows Jerry a small three bedroom home with a tiny Cowboys pennant hanging over the front porch. “This is your eternal home, Jerry, ” says God. “You should feel mighty proud because most folks don’t get their own private living quarters here.” Jerry looks at the home, then does an about face and sees this huge four-story mansion with two gigantic Oakland Raiders flags flying between the four marble pillars. And parked in the circular driveway is a black and silver limousine with the Raiders’ logo on the hood. “Thanks for my home, God,” says Jerry, “but I have just one question. You give me this tiny home with a miniature Cowboys pennant and Al Davis gets that beautiful mansion. How Come?” God laughs and says, “Oh, that’s not Al’s home, that’s mine.”
“I sure am, everytime I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.”
Answer –Babe Ruth
Yogi Berra went directly home after a game with the intention of taking his wife out for dinner. As he came through the front door, he bumped into his wife who was on her way out. “Where are you going?”, asked Yogi. “To see Doctor Zhivago”, responded his wife. “What’s wrong now?”, asked Yogi
“a guy from Kenya won the Boston Marathon. In fact, only one American finished in the top ten, and he was driving an SUV.” – Jay Leno